Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."
So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"
And then she died.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
Logic fire bars in Fortnite sped up to sound like he [is a] chipmunk like Alvin, Simon, and Theodore :)
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
What did one Koala say to the other?
"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
