Fire jokes

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?

Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.

The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.

That is just plain wrong.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.

What do you call a bald person on fire?

A fried egg.

What is red and puts out fire?

People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?

There is none, they both go up in flames.

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.

Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."