Finance jokes

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

How do you keep a bull from charging?

You take its credit card away.

What do cows call money?

Moola.