Finance jokes
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What did the rapper say to the ATM?
"Show me the money, or I'll drop a BEAT!"
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
Hairline got repossessed.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Why did the rapper become a mathematician?
To count his STACKS of CASH.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
Nah! You're so poor, you can't afford free stuff!
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they never get a full house.
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)