Finance jokes

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch.

Why did the rapper visit the bank?

To get his RHYME CHECK.

A: Guess what kind of men/women do gold diggers like?

Q: One that has a sense of money.

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now he's a bronze fish.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!

For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.

My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

money + money = MONEY

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

You are so fat you were able to occupy Wall Street all by yourself.

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.