Finance jokes

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

When the card declines on child insurance.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?

Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.

Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends, the holder of the nation's purse, Fishi Rucksack, will launch a new initiative.

This will be to help the struggling "personal services" industry and will be labelled, "Sleep out to Help out."

Why did the orphan play Monopoly? To at least get some money. #fake

Why do egos like robbing banks?

They get a cut.

You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.

Me: I want a PS5.

Dad: Alright, I will say no.

You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.