Finance jokes
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.
I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
Yo mama so rich the Socs got jealous.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
What's a psych ward worker's favorite incense?
Insurance fraud.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.