Finance jokes
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?
The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
What do you call a rich Chinese child?
"Ching Ching..."
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
Where do you buy cows in bulk?
At the stock market.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?