Finance jokes
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
What do cows call money?
Moola.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
Where do you buy cows in bulk?
At the stock market.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
What do you call a rich Chinese child?
"Ching Ching..."
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Where do fishes keep their money?
In a riverbank.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.