Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
