Finance jokes

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?

Only when they file jointly.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

Why did the rapper go to the bank?

To make some cash withdrawals.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."