Finance jokes
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha-ching!
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some cash withdrawals.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!