Finance jokes

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?

Economy doesn't work.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

What do you call super expensive shoes?

Cashews.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!

What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.

What do you call a whale on a beach?

Banked.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!

Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?

Only when they file jointly.

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.