Finance jokes
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream?
They don’t have money.
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Yo mama so rich the Socs got jealous.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To withdraw some flow.
Why did the rapper visit the bank?
To get his RHYME CHECK.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.