Finance jokes
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
One man said, "Do you need 20 bucks?"
The other said, "Do you have that many?"
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
Who do the United States owe trillions of dollars to?
Jew-piter.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL