Finance jokes

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

Your money, you bully's everything you hate.

money + money = MONEY

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?

Economy doesn't work.

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.

Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.