Finance jokes

Why did the rapper go to the bank?

To make some cash withdrawals.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.

money + money = MONEY

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.

Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.

I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.

Your money, you bully's everything you hate.

The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.

Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.