Finance jokes
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha-ching!
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
money + money = MONEY
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?
Economy doesn't work.
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
Your money, you bully's everything you hate.