Finance jokes
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.
I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.
Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.
What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?
Economy doesn't work.
money + money = MONEY
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I got $1,000,000 for my brother. Best trade I ever made!
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
What chicken crossed the road? The donkey of the moneys.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.