I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.
money + money = MONEY
Your money, you bully's everything you hate.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
