Finance jokes
What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
Why were ET's eyes so big?
Because he saw the phone bill.
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some cash withdrawals.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.