Finance jokes

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

Why did the nut go to the bank?

To cashew its check.

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

I don't got free candy. It costs child support.

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.

What has a tail, a head, but no body?

A coin.

Doin (DYM 15).

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now he's a bronze fish.

How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?

Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.

We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.

You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.

Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.