Finance jokes
You are so poor, when I pass you, you ask for spare change, and I was poor, too.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.
Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.
The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.
The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.