Finance jokes

What do orphans get when they go to a bank alone?

I'm so poor that they let me buy the entire store! For $0...

Your hairline looks like the inflation in America.

Why did the nut go to the bank?

To cashew its check.

You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.

Why are you guys making fun of priests?

Because you have a suga daddy already.

What wastes your money as you earn it?

Women.

🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Doin (DYM 15).

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now he's a bronze fish.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

What did Warner Brothers get for making that horrible Joker sequel?

They got what they fucking deserved!!!!!!!!

Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?

Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

How did the Java programmer's son get rich?

Because of inheritance.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.