Finance jokes
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
my mom be like
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
My syndrome may be down, but my money be up 😈.
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.