Finance jokes
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
How do birds pay? With their bills!
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Me during quarantine
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
My syndrome may be down, but my money be up 😈.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha-ching!
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.