Finance jokes

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Which company likes Jesus the most?

IHS Markit!

There are two types of faces:

The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.

Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."

Rich person: "Then buy a house!"

What happens when Steven Hawking dies?

Take his iPad to Cash Converters.

My syndrome may be down, but my money be up 😈.

A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"

"Six pounds."

"And shaving?"

"Three pounds."

"Good, then shave my head."

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?

Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)

What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?

7/11

Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!

You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.

We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.

Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

Why did the rapper go to the bank?

To make some cash withdrawals.

Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.