Finance jokes
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
What do cows call money?
Moola.
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
Yaxaas?
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
I take debt of 25,000 euro. I spend 20,000 in charity, and 5000 euro are left. I pay the debt of 2000 euro and I have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank, and 3000 euro I have in profit, 23,000 +3000 >> 26000 ;)
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
What is the richest kind of air?
A millionaire.