Finance jokes
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
The bank said go to the river bank. Oh, oh, oh, good fishy joke!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.