Female jokes
Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?
So they don't whistle on the way down!
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"
A 10 year old girl reported to her friends that her 16 year old male babysitter was touching her inappropriately. He quickly lost his job as a babysitter.
A 10 year old boy reported to his friends that his 16 year old female babysitter was touching him inappropriately. She quickly became the most popular babysitter in town amongst boys.
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?
A sexy female.
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
Is Google male or female?
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a fruit joke.
So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.
And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
What did the female dog say to the mirror?
Hi, bitch!
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.