Female jokes

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?

A sissy.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Why don't we have female magicians?

'Cause the last ones got hanged.

When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.

What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"

What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.

Female Rights?

A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.

The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.

When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.

The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."

The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"

The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"

The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"

When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃

When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟

What do you tell a female with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

What do you call a female Michael Jackson? She she.

What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?

A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.

What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.

How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?

Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.

What do you call a bitch?

You call it a female dog.

What did the female dog say to the mirror?

Hi, bitch!

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a fruit joke.