Feel jokes

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.

Anyways,

Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?

More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!

But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.

How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.

How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.

Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".

What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.

Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!

Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low

Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.

Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you… wait… also the regret after.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.

Naughty little Ariana Grande needs to be fucked like the whore that she is. Join this chat to see if you agree.

This is for the people who love her body and want to fuck her.

Read the directions.

1. Type how she makes you feel.

2. Type how you would fuck her.

3. Any type of sex is aloud.

4. Remember to send pics as well.

5. Enjoy.

Joke page for people of all ages. If you want. Please make jokes about her. Enjoy.

I'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss you. Wanna know why?

Because at least I'd feel something with the cactus than I ever could with you.

Numb Butt Wheelchair Club: No Feeling, No Problem!

Why did Monika look at the recycling bin with tears in her eyes?

Because she realized she just couldn't delete her feelings for you...

A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.

The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.