How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Why do orphans love getting r@ped? Because they want to know what love feels like
I feel sad. Because I went to a old man in a wheel chair while he was sitting next to a fire and I screamed hot wheels. đ¤Ł
Two kids were sitting at restaurant one said could I please have some water I am feeling a little HORSE. The other said Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection."
A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isnât home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesnât need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts âVoodoo Dick, the door!â The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. âVoodoo Dick, the lamp!â The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsierâs desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. âVoodoo Dick, return to your box!â The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: âThe cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.â says the cashier. âYou must never forget that!â The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout âVoodoo Dick, my pussy!â The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just canât get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims âHelp, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it wonât come out!â The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. âVoodoo Dick my ass, bitch.â
Why boys feel safe at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch? Ronald McDonald's don't put his meat between boy's buns
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs
just killed a woman feeling good -Tommyinnit
Unknown be like: Wah wah I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better...what a shame.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Sex is like show and tell, you show your pussy and dick and then you tell each other how you feel
DĂŠjĂ Moo. the feeling that you've heard this Bull before.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
One day a man buys a rope to suicide, but his friend stops him. They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us
Itâs been a few weeks, and its clear that you do not have that sense
Are you suicidal? Remember if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
osmetimes when i think im ugly i just think of my sister and it makes me feel better
Hellen Keller once said, Ělove is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel Ě but of course she said it like this Ěfbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb Ě
I feel like the twin towers, Iâm broken
