sometimes i feel ugly then remember i have a brother then i feel better
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
why did the cookie go to the hospital because it felt crummy
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" "of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms"
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.
He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
