Fear Jokes

How do you stop constipation?

You scare the crap outta them.

(Crap is another word for poop.)

Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"

The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"

The school shooter when the cops show up be like:

"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

The image shows four panels from the movie The Sixth Sense. In the first panel, a young boy is looking afraid and the text reads 'I SEE DEADPOOL'. The second panel shows a man talking to the boy, and the text reads 'YOU MEAN 'DEAD PEOPLE''. In the third panel, the boy is saying 'NO, DEADPOOL. HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.' The fourth panel shows Deadpool standing behind the man.

Why did the rape victim cross the road?

Because she was a chicken!

Like if you are scared of Covid-19.

If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.

No, seriously,

I'm right behind ya.

Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?

Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."

Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

He didn't have the guts to see it.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.