Fear jokes
Like if you are scared of Covid-19.
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally… you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*
Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Why are trees afraid of dogs? Because they bark.
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
Roses are red. Violets are blue, when a sumo saw you, he peed his pants.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7’s a cunt.