Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.
Fear Jokes
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
I'm evilest-evil man.
"Yes, you are," scared guy.
No, me, it me: Evil super evil boy!
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why is 10 afraid?
Because he next to 9 and 11.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
"Why don't skeletons go skydiving?"
"Because they don't have the guts... or the parachute!"
What do you call a rapper who's afraid of GHOSTS?
MC Shiver.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
What do you call a rapper who's afraid of water?
Lil Drip.
Why was the rapper afraid of ghosts?
Because they kept booing him off stage!
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.