Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.
Why were the Twin Towers afraid of the New York Jets?
Because they are afraid of the jet.
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.
Why was six so scared of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered sex offender.
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*
Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
Why do Mexicans only drink hot drinks?
Because they're afraid of ice!
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
