Father jokes

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?