Father jokes

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?

Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.

My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.

The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"

Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"

Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

Why do orphans like going to church?

Because they actually get to say "father" for once.

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.