My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up that little shit wants to be gone down an alley
Whats the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
Mother, father and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie. During dinner time: Father: Son what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: okay! okay! I watched porn dad. Dad: what? you watched porn? you are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 yrs of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said "sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
hehe
“My beard actually connects” “like the connection u never had with your father”
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four.
orphans have 263 days on a calendar because they dont have mothers or fathers day.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have ***, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
I dressed up as Darth Vader at a orphanage and said I am ur father
My dad in 911 he was the best pilot
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
Your dad went to get the milk but there he was actually trying to find his father.............he wasn't there
My father who flew the plane couldn't have a funeral,he went everywhere
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
You know the strangest things happen my mom said step on a crack you break your Mama's back but if you step on a line you break your father's spine I stepped on the line it didn't break his spine mom who is my father?
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal. The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot and the son answers: "Holy Cow!!!" Father: "What do you mean Holy Cow?" Son: "You shot a hole in the cow of course!!!"
I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.
why do orphans only have 354 days?
cause they are missing mothers and fathers day
The only joke my dad ever made was me
