Father jokes
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Memes
The only joke my dad ever made was me.
I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
While fucking, my sister said, "Brother, you are so naughty! You fucked our elder aunt every day in the absence of my uncle and cousins and made her pregnant!" Little did she know, I fucked our mother every day in the absence of her, my father, and my elder brother and made my mom pregnant as well!
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
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Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!