Father jokes

A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

What is the most difficult day in the ghetto?

Father's Day.

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They have no one to call daddy.

What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?

"Daddy?"

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

Papa: Johnny, Johnny.

Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Papa: Open wide.

Johnny: HAHAHA.

Papa: *unzips pants*

Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!

When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?

Father Les.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.