Father Jokes

My son.

Father's Day is a dad joke.

Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!

Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.

My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.

My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?

A black and white comic strip depicting Darth Vader telling someone, presumably his son, about his conception. The text reads: "I AM YOUR FATHER! NO! No, that's impossible! Actually, it's very possible. I think it's time we had "the talk". You see, I stuck my penis into your mom's vagina. From there I- 20 long minutes later... Then I went uhhhh gghha aaa! Oh, BABY! And that's how you were created. I...I don't know how to take this all in. That's what your mom said LAST NIGHT! NOOOOOO!"

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.

What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦

My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.

My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."