Family Jokes

Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️‍🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕

My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.

Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see a butterfly.

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!

My great grandfather died in 9/11.

He was an amazing pilot.

I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.

I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.

It doesn’t have a home button.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.

Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."

Yo mama so dumb, she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I have the power."

When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?

Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?

Cause they don’t know where home is.

Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.