Family jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Your mom.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
So they could be wanted.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"