Family jokes
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.