Family jokes

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"

The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."

A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"

The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."

Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."

What's the difference between cancer and me?

My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.

What did the kid say to the orphan?

"Well, at least I have parents!"

Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

What do you call your sister who only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

Your hairline and your mom go way back.

For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they couldn't run home.