Family jokes
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Why wouldn’t Mrs. Grapes leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Memes
Bluey
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.