Family jokes
Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.
I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
Why do orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents aren't!
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?