Family jokes
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
when your grampa hears your music
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
Me: "I like kids."
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
Your dad never needed a van for you.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕