Family jokes
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
Memes
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.
Boy: Okay, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.