Eye Jokes

Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told the 911 that I was mugged

So I was watching tv right? then i f..ing got banged in the eye with either a remore or metal tongs "wtf"

What did Hitler tell the eye doctor? “I can na-zi.”

Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have balls.

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her and he says what’s that mama she says that’s just and old bear he says he’s a mean bear she says why’s that he says he’s got blood in on eye and shit in the other

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

I spy with my little eye..

-noting Iam blind-

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!!

Yesterday I asked my friend “ What is a fish without eyes” They replied “I don’t know” I said “ fsh “

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye! Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

I'd make a joke about corn, but its to corny. Then again, i could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. my funny bone is broken, i guess it was because those jokes where to HUMERUS.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard. A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye. Moments later they start chanting 13...13...13...

I have two eyes and am afraid of sex? A fortnite player

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

What do you say to a women with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye? A one giant

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

jack and jill went up a hill so jill could lik jacks candystik but jill got a suprise wen she saw her borfiend rik he got so angre jack has no candestik no more jill went home whith a black i and rik got arested for cuting jacks candystik