Eye Jokes

Im so good at sleeping, i can do it with my eyes closed.

Wow- didn't know little jhony jokes were so dark- Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about sucide, sex and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well I don't really know if there actually are- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes- Even chin jokes. :⁠^⁠))

and slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^⁠_⁠^

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

So a blind guy is sitting on a park bench his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guys leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat. A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man. That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit. The blind man says Oh it’s not what you think I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the Ass.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, "okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "what?" As he looked over at Jim.

Why do nuns walk in groups?. So one “ nun” can keep an eye on the other “ nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting “ nun”.

Why does china have the biggest eyewear ? because all there eyes are to small

My attitude doesn’t have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend

Friend: wow thanks, i'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: you're what

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back,". The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking. The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says "step on a line and you break your father's spine,". The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE,". The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

you think people with glasess are smart but they fail the eye doter test

At school, bobby boy's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "why are you crying". Bobby says "someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die". His mom looks him straight in the eye and says "depends, which one are you referring to?"

1.You can ́t wash you ́re eyes with soap 2.You can ́t count you ́re hair 3.You can ́t breathe through you nose with youre tongue out 4.You just tried number three 5.When u tried number 3 u realized it was possible only u look like a dog 6.Youre smileing right now because you relized you were fooloed 7.you skipped number 5 8.you just checked if there was a number 5 9.This is not my joke all credit goes to steps

A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”