Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gunna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘ re re‘ and your like ‘ re re ‘ yourself motherf*ucker and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SUPRIZE the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, “You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?” He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,“Raw!”

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”

What does the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me something smells!

Why do nuns walk in groups?. So one “ nun” can keep an eye on the other “ nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting “ nun”.

What do you call a fish w/ no eyes Fffffsshhhhhh

What do you call a deer with no eyes

No-eye-deer (no idea)

why are cheetahs the best animals? The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour. A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds. Cheetahs are extremely fast however they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue. Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms. One way to always recognise a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances. Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs. While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day. A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away. Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision. With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight. Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.

I’d make a joke about corn, but its to corny. Then again, i could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. my funny bone is broken, i guess it was because those jokes where to HUMERUS.

The first priest asks the second, “How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?”, the priest replies, “No clue… I close my eyes when I masturbate”

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

What did one hurricane say to the other?

I got my EYE on you!

Yo momma is so ugly Slenderman runs from her. It’s also why he has no eyes.

What colors were Kurt Cobains eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!

What’s a bulls favorite body part? an Eye-BULL!!

Man and woman are having a discussion. Woman looks into man’s eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . ".

“. . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in”.

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

What do you call a animal with 3 eyes 2 mouth 6 noses and 4 ears

Blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar. The Blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash. The bartender yells Sir Stop! What are you doing!? The Blind guy say, I’m just looking around.

A man broke into stevie wonders house and threatened to kill his wife

He just turned a blind eye

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