A man was walking home but felt tired so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap tap then out of the corner of his eye he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone the man said "you scared me I thought you were a ghost" the other person mumbled "they spelt my name wrong"
Wife: looks in the mirror Wife: i look fat can you say something positive husband: at least your eyes work
If somebody gives you Lemons,cut them in half and do the Juice in his eyes.
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
A married woman asked her husband if he saw future then the husband answered her " I have no Eye dear"
How do you turn a Chinese into a American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.
me: do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
bank teller: [eyes wide] uhhhhh
me: *scratches head with gun* man, i hate it when this happens
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Me: you have pretty eyes Her: thank you Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴
mom, what happens if you swear at a church? well honey a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and numb chucks will beat you
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What do you call a Cannibal without any eyes? A Cannbal :)
Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.
Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes
Nothing you told them twice
yo mama so dumb when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said “open yo eyes”
Little Johnnys neighbour just had a baby he got invited to dinner with his neighbour little Johnnys dad said if. he mentioned ears he will get a spank so Johnny looked in the basonet they were talking about the new baby Johnnys mum said what beautiful eyes that is great said little Johnny. because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses
Ur hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it and it goes so far back that you be looking like vegeta.
