Experience jokes

Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.

Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

Me: Nah, not really.

Friend: What did they feel like?

Me: 7th grade.

Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

Me: Have you ever tried African food?

You: No.

Me: They haven't either.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.