Experience jokes

Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.

Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

Me: Nah, not really.

Friend: What did they feel like?

Me: 7th grade.

Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?

A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.

Me: Have you ever tried African food?

You: No.

Me: They haven't either.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.