Experience jokes
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.
I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.
I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
Yeah, not too bad at all, really.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
My life.
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"
That's the best I've done so far.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Ouch!
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
I had a good time with friends!