Experience jokes

What's the difference between Monday and a dick?

They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.

Dark humor is like life:

Not everyone gets it.

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I did have a good night and I did a good night and I had fun.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

Sex is like pizza.

When it’s hot, it’s great.

When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

Why do orphans love getting r@ped?

Because they want to know what love feels like.

Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.

Friend: I don't know.

Me: A black market.

Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

Karolien's life.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!