Gf:Hi
Bf:Hi
Gf:did you eat yet
bf:did you eat yet?
Gf:are you copying me?
Bf:are you coping me??
Gf:i love you
Bf:yeah i ate already
Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
A boy walks up to a girl and says " i would tell you a joke about my dick but it's too long" then the girl say's " yeah, i would tell you a joke about my pussy but you'll never get it."
When the guy asks the girl if she's wet she replies yeah milky knickers
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
YEAH NOT TO BAD AT ALL REALLY
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors fault like this: Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: yeah? Sailor 1: you see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: yeah. Sailor 1: you know what would be pretty funny
Me: hey do you want to see my grandma. Friend: yeah sure Me: *pulls out gun*
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me "Yeah I can read braille". So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read "Screw you, asshole"
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up? Me: Oh I wan- Therapist: Don’t say to be dead Me: Well I want to be an entrepreneur, I want to sell land, pencils oh yeah. I also want to sell farm
Me-are you an orphan? Boy-yeah, what gave me away? Me-....ur parents
Did you hear about the guys who’s whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he’s all right now.
Dad. Son who do you want to marry when you grow up? Son. A ugly girl. Dad. Why not a pretty girl? Son. A pretty one might run away. Dad. So and ugly one might to. Son. Yeah but who cares.
Do you know Imagine Dragons Yeah Imagine Dragon my nuts across your face
Mum: if your friend jumped of a cliff would you Me: oh yeah no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.
