Interviewer: what are your strengths? Interviewee: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: and your weaknesses? Interviewee: those beautiful green eyes of yours...
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was LSD. I see a dreamer.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
An assassin is about to shot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience,."
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
Confucius say, man who bite electric wire get shocking experience.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do u call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do u call it life?
RAPE 9/11 ABORTION ORPHAN MURDER DEAD KILL DRUGS what makes all these categories so familiar? either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
my life
isn't having Depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of fnaf/five night of freddies (if you don't know what Depersonalization is look it up)
Why are Germans good at smoking. They had experience with smoking
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it. I took some of the boo boo out licked it and and rubbed it on a wall making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and i saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE YOU know why? IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told me friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him too. Confused my friend asked me what it was. I told him "The Sandyhook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
A man and a woman get married. The woman was Retired hooker. The man was a poet. The man said as they did 69, you taste better than my most delecious gormet meal. The woman said, well you aren’t too bad either. But the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop. They dot divorced that night.
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
In kindergarten we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words. Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit"
It was a important knockout game for Al Nassr 🔥 I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play, It was my dream for a long time 🤩 I took a cab to the stadium but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead 😔 As soon as I entered the house I saw a ghost☠️ but the very next moment I realized its my idolo Ronaldo 🥳 Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me 😭♥️
