I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
My favorite joke: My life.
*School shooting happens.*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*
American student: "First time?"
Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"
American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
I had a good time with friends!
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
I hate my life.
A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
