Experience jokes

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

My favorite joke: My life.

I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

I hate my life.

Life is like giving head... it always sucks.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

I had a good time with friends!

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."