Experience jokes

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.

My favorite joke: My life.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

I hate my life.

Life is like giving head... it always sucks.

A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

I had a good time with friends!