Experience jokes

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

My favorite joke: My life.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

I hate my life.

Life is like giving head... it always sucks.

I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I had a good time with friends!

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."