Exercise jokes
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Lean.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:
Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
Run, bestie, run!
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.