Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What is Uranus' favorite exercise? ... Hy knees.
Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Lean.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
Why are skinny. People skinny? Because he Don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
