Everyone jokes

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?

He made no cents.

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.

My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?

Everyone's eaten.

What part do people slit the most?

Everyone.

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

Why was the staircase so sad?

Because everyone walks on them.

*Watches sad movie with family*

Everyone else: *Crying*

Sister: How aren't you crying?

Me: I have no tears left to cry...

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.