Everyone

Everyone jokes

Finger

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

Idiot

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

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  • Dream Job

    Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

    My friends: "What's your dream job?"

    Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

    Tragedy

    People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

    School Shooter

    When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

    CPR

    I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

    School

    Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.

    Gun

    Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

    If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

    Grandma

    My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."

    Gun

    What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

    You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

    Movie

    *Watches sad movie with family*

    Everyone else: *Crying*

    Sister: How aren't you crying?

    Me: I have no tears left to cry...

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  • Laughing Gas

    My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

    So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

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  • Abortion center

    I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.

    Friend

    What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.