Everyone jokes
Everyone, Alya is okay!!!!!!!!!! She got up, she can walk, and she can talk regular!!!!
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
Good Morning Everyone, have a good and positive day!
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the party?
To leave everyone SPEECHLESS!
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.
Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?
Answer: Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat!"
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.
What is everyone’s favorite class?
None, because people don’t like school.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
Your mama's so fat, when she went to the baseball tournament, she knocked everyone out of the park.
Why are orphans gay?
They call everyone "daddy."
Have you heard about the tanning Olympics?
Everyone wanted bronze! (This is a lil cringe.)