Every jokes

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.

You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?

Answer: Living.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.

🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

Roses are red, Violets are blue, With every beat of my heart, I'm devoted to you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.

You know Africans don’t get seconds.

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.