Kenny is a comfort snacker. Every time he's stressed he eats his mom's pussy.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have ONE DOLLAR
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have common? They both only change their pads after every third period!
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯
DUDE all Hitler ask for was a glass of juice, but every one misheard him.
You know having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Dad: no Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog. It Croaks every night
every single person on the plane died exept for 2 how is that posible?
It seid all the single people died the 2 were a couple. Thats how it was possible
Why doesn't Iran have an Walmarts? Because they have a Target at every corner.
YOUR SO POOR YOU USE THE SAME TOILET PAPER EVERY TIME YOU TAKE A POOP
I was given a invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney. Thats why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY
Every woman will die in five seconds Mother : dies Sister : dies Girlfriend:lives You : 🤬
How does the cheetah in every race
It’s always a cheetah
So my kid every time I walk in the door he shuts his laptop so i check his history It was good but my wife checked mine and she didn't say the same the words I head was get out.
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop I thought there had been a horrible accident.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
