Every jokes

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

Did you know every market in Africa is a black market?

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

What do we find at the end of every rainbow?

The letter W.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.