Entertainment jokes
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
What do you call a banana that can dance?
CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]
What do you call a midget stripper?
A pocket pussy.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.