Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
Entertainment Jokes
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
How does a rapper fix stuff?
With a RAP-AIR!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?
Ice Cube.
