Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.
The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."
Lol
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
Dying mall be like...
"Toys" were us.
Goodbye, kitty.
Dying Canes.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
Why is suicide illegal?
Because it destroys government property.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?
I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
What egg do you buy an orphan?
Free range.
