Eating jokes
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
Why can't Asians play cricket?
Because they will eat the ball.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
Now it's time to make fun of Asians.
What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.
When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."
*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵
Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"