“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Why don’t mountains take things seriously?
Because they’re hill areas.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
You know, the earth was flat till they buried your mama.
