Dont jokes
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
Why don't orphans have any friends?
Because they don't have homies.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.
Wait, actually.
🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"
"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."