Dont jokes
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.
Wait, actually.
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Why don't orphans have any friends?
Because they don't have homies.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.