Dont jokes
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
Don't be emo, be happy, Nemo!
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"
Why are some girls scared easily?
They don't have balls.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
Why doesn't Adele swim properly?
Because she's rolling in the deep. 🤽♂️
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.