Dont jokes
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Maserati.
Maserati who?
Why don't you clean up this Maserati?
I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
Don't scare me! I poop easily!
Why don't headless people have a head in class?
Because they know that they will be ahead of the class. XD
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?
I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is.
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."