Dont jokes
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
Don't free Britney!
Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.
So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
I became anti-furry because I don't want Doom Slayer after me.
I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.
I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."