Dont jokes

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well...

ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...

Your mum is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀

I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.

Why do orphans start fights?

Because they don't get in trouble at home.

Why did Dad Man quit acting?

I don’t know either.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Why do you play Call of Duty?

I actually don't know.

Knock knock. Who is there?

I don't know.

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.